Thinkative

One of my favorite invented-by-me words is 'Thinkative.' It's different than thoughtful... Really it is. And it's not quite pensive either.

Tonight I am thinkative. But it feels good. I haven't taken time to be thinkative in quite a while. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I am afraid to be because thinkative involves things that aren't concrete, and lets face it... Things have been less than concrete for a while now! I don't need more of that! Maybe it's because I haven't had time in all the adjusting. Maybe it's because I've had so many other things to think about besides thinkative topics.

Tonight though, I was thinkative. I thought about where I am with God stuff, and where some of my less than healthy behaviours come from. I thought about churches and communities. I thought about my being thinkative.

I thought about questions and answers. I am afraid I am losing my questions. One of the things I have liked most about myself is my ability to ask questions, and my persistence in doing so. In college I met a couple people who were full of answers... At first I felt inferior because I didn't have many of those. Then I realized that my questions were a gift as well.

But I've stated more than asked lately. I've felt myself growing dogmatic in ways that I didn't expect. And what's more, the things that I had more questions about than answers--specifically faith things--I seem to have just kind of 'put down.'

So... I am going to try to practice asking questions again. When hormones don't have the best of me, I will even practice being thinkative. (Thinkative+Hormones could be a volatile combination!!!). These are gifts I need to hone!