Baby Kicking, Church, and other Noncategoricals

It's been a good weekend. Andy got most of Friday off because he started the night shift today. We spent Friday evening doing some shopping in a town nearby. We visited a Barnes and Noble and boy did I go overboard... The most exciting purchase was The Night Before Christmas, which we got for the baby. I can't wait until Christmas time when I can read it to my belly!!!

After shopping we watched a movie and while I was laying there watching I am almost positive I felt the baby kick. :) It sort of felt like my belly moved without my permission. What a delight!!! I think I have dealt with a bit of prenatal depression with this pregnancy, but I'm coming out of it. FEELING the baby move was just such a joy--such a feeling of connection! I can't wait to meet this little one.

This morning, church was a blessing. We are in a church that is highly unique if only because both Andy and I feel comfortable there. The really unique thing was that the pastor spent part of his sermon time confessing what he feels have been his weaknesses of late in the church. He was willing to be so humble and broken in front of us. It was amazing to us, and a confirmation that this may be our church 'home' for now. It also made me reflect on how difficult it must be to be a pastor... to be trying to orchestrate the workings of your church and letting God move and getting all sorts of feedback from your congregation. I was convicted about how I've treated pastors at other times, one in particular, to whom I contributed much cynicism and complaint, little encouragement, and when he was pushed out of our church I said not a word believing that dysfunctional body I believed in was doing God's will. *Puke*

It is so refreshing to be in a church that feels like home.... so wonderful to be with a body of people that I feel safe to be real with.

Lots of things struck me in a unique way this A.M. I was also greeted this morning by a lady who recognized me from small group. I walked in and she lit up--because I was there. It was the first time since we've been here that I didn't feel like a stranger. Later in the service, during the children's moment, the pastor had the children put their hands on the communion table to pray a blessing... Seeing those little ones blessing such a beautiful part of the church was just amazing. And then during communion, a mother had brought her little one with her to the rail and Pastor, rather than skipping over him, prayed a blessing over him--that did evoke some tears.

Now, Andy is at work for his first day of night shift. I must admit my anxiety manifested itself once again as I settle into this new shift. I'm not sure when to do things. It's so small, I know. I think perhaps because things have been changing so much lately, and I am anticipating even more change, this overwhelms me. Soon we'll be settled in though, this I know.

This is getting long, but on another tangent entirely, I do worry about Andy being gone when the baby is born. There is a good chance he will be. That hurts to think about. What hurts worse is knowing that soon after he meets the baby, he will leave for a short span of months, come back for a bit and then be gone for a long span of months. I imagine myself a nervous new mommy feeling so alone... but it will be another crucible to develop trust, and to remember hope. When the time comes I will awake each morning, do what needs done, and get through it.

Maybe someday I will stick with one topic that is thoughtful and poignant through these entries... or not... Until then, the chronicling of my mundane (or maybe not) goings-on will continue.