Sometimes, I feel left behind. I got an email today from a friend that I went to camp with way back when. We both had our visions of changing the world and doing something powerful to the honor of God.
Well... she's off in Morocco doing just that. She's fighting for women there who don't have a voice, working to set up programs to promote better relations between the Arab and Western world, she's living in a different country, and busy at work for people who need help, including people like me with a narrow western world view.
I'm... in my living room folding laundry, organizing cupboards, spending too much time on the internet, watching too much t.v, knitting, trying to get through a Russian novel, and hoping that my short social excursions, to church functions mainly, are enough for me to call myself 'busy.'
I know that I am also sustaining a little life within my body and preparing to be a mother--something I've always believed was extremely noble... Who knows who this child will become?
But I guess growing up, I always saw myself doing more. I don't regret my choices to get married and start a life that would cause so much displacement or the choice to start a family, but sometimes I feel like I should be doing more... Like the potential that I always thought was within me is wasted somehow. It's a discouraging feeling. I always wanted to be a 'force for the kingdom.' Now I'm hardly even a force for the dust-bunnies to reckon with.
It's days like this that I think of running into my old history teacher the day we left to come to the Northwest, and him asking what I was doing these days. When I told him that I wasn't working, disappointment crossed his face... and hit down to the bottom of my toes too.
I know it's just a day, and I know that this is just part of this season of life. I know that there will be chances for me to make a difference down many different avenues that I'm sure to stumble down, or even stroll down with purpose. But today... part of me wishes I was doing something as powerful as working in Morocco.
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3 comments:
If it helps, you do powerful things in my life. I'm sure Kyle would say the same also.
It gives me an overwhelming sense of encouragement just to read about your life in this blog. I don't think you have anything to regret. Not all of us were meant to be in Morocco... or Navy wives.
It gives me an overwhelming sense of encouragement just to read about your life in this blog. I don't think you have anything to regret. Not all of us were meant to be in Morocco... or Navy wives.
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