New Year, New Things

The New Year is here. The question is, what will it hold?

My daughter will be born this year. I'm finding to my delight that my excitement is growing over that event, finally drowning out the anxiety I also possess. I will finally get to meet this little person who has taken up residence in my abdomen for the past few months. We will 'officially' become a family. I was encouraged today to talk to a lady at church who mentioned casually how very happy she is to be a mother. I seem to think too often of the comments I hear about the drudgery of motherhood. To see this woman's eyes sparkle with joy as she talked about her kids and how worth it it was to get through the difficulties of pregnancy made me remember why we started this venture in the first place. It is time for us to become a family. I am confident about the timing of this little girl's appearance. She promises to be a bundle of hope for all of our family as we go through the delights and challenges of this year and those to come.

This year will be my first extensive go at the crucible of life known as separations from Andy. Very soon he will go on his first Detachment. It sounds as if we will see many of these shorter separations before his eventual deployment. It will be interesting to see how we adjust to the yo-yo effect of him being gone, and coming home, being gone, and coming home. And then... the first deployment. I know that we will survive, but I cannot help but feel anxiety and sadness knowing that we will spend more of this year apart than together. I know that we will grow in many ways separately, and that somehow when we come together at the end of things, we will find a way to bring those new developments of self together to be even stronger as husband and wife than we were before.

I will likely be dividing my time between two states this year as well... I feel that I need to be available for family situations unfolding at 'first home.' I will be blessed with the priveledge of walking through the ups and the downs of the battle facing my parents this year, and I feel the need to be nearer to them for that. I am excited about the prospect of them having lots of time to dote on their grand-daughter and encouraged to know that I will again be near friends and families that we miss when living so far away.

And then... what else? A year ago I didn't know I would live in three different states in one year, nor did I know that by year's end I would be living on an Island. As last year began I never would have guessed that we would make the decision to start a family and that very quickly after that decision I would find myself carrying our daughter. I would have been suprised had you told me a year ago that I would be a stay-at-home-wife the majority of this year, rather than getting more experience in the workforce.... Yet, all of those things have been our reality this last year. What unforseeables lie ahead in 2005? I am grateful to God that he doesn't give me the whole picture sometimes. As overwhelmed as I am about what I know of this coming year, if all the things I don't yet know about were factored in, I'm sure I would run away to my cave in Zimbabwe in fear.

And that brings me back to the quote that keeps me sane time and again...

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' He replied, 'Go out into the darkness and put thy hand into the hand of God. That will be to thee better than a light, and safer than a known way.'" --M. Louise Haskins

Looks like I'll continue to learn about trust. Please take note--be careful what you pray for. I prayed the Lord would help me to be patient... He led me to pursue a career in special education and related fields and to marry a man in the Navy. What was I thinking when I prayed to learn to trust?!