Adjustment

I've been going through the normal rigamarole of thoughts about my being at home and not busy status. I can be really hard on myself sometimes (no suprise, right?). I never thought I would be upset about NOT being busy. What I discovered today is that this, too, is an adjustment. I DO need to be gentle with myself. I do need to be patient with my feelings. I expect to get into a new situation and know how to handle it and be satisfied with it immediately.

I'm adjusting to so many things right now. We're STILL figuring out what it means to be a military family. Let's face it--that changes every day. Every day we're dealing with a new shift, a new policy, new experiences for Andy in the shop... We're gearing up for Dets. and Deployments. It's always changing--usually in ways we can't control.

I'm pregnant. I have this little alien taking over my body. It's wonderful and exciting, but it is an adjustment too. We're trying to come to grips with the fact that this little person is going to change our lives in ways we can't even anticipate now.

We're settling into a new place. That means that we're far away from the support systems we had grown so comfortable with. We're finding new places in the community here, meeting new people, trying to find a new social niche.

And... instead of being busy with school or with a job, as I had always expected of myself, and as I had grown accustomed to, I'm at home. That is an adjustment too. I'm not busy all the time. I'm having to learn how to budget my time in a whole new way, find new ways to occupy time, learn new ways to socialize outside of a day-to-day routine of business and commitments outside of the house.

I don't want to use all of those adjustments as excuses, but I do know I have to cut myself some slack. This is a season of adjustment, and it will be a season of adjustment for a long time. That's not a bad thing. In my positive moments I realize how exciting it is with new opportunities all around me. Somehow all of this must be shaping me, I hope, into a better person.

So, I am choosing to be gentle with myself, to give myself some time, and to let myself feel things as long as that doesn't run into the extent of making excuses. And in March, when little girl is born, you can all remind me of this when I start complaining about being SOOO busy and tired.