12:54 a.m.

So... I don't sleep anymore. Since I've gotten sick it just doesn't happen. I really need to sleep, but I don't. I have a hard time sleeping before Andy gets home. Everything I hear I think might be him. Then add in the coughing. Hopefully when I finally do decide to crash, I'll sleep.

I haven't been very productive lately. Being sick and tired got me in a slump. I'll get my act together yet.

I'm also spending way too much time on the internet... I started trying to scale that back some today with some success (though, here I am at 12:54, now 12:59 am still online).

Today something silly and inconsequential happened that made my day. I have started attending a sign language class at the church. There are two other ladies, me, and the instructor who is about my age (one of these days I will work up the courage to see if she perhaps might accompany me on an ice cream run. She seems to be a kindred spirit). I brought along my ultrasound pics and shared them with pride... and for the first time in a long time, I got to be the center of attention (in person) for my pregnancy. It made my day. Silly isn't it? Most people at church don't even know I'm pregnant. They just think I'm really fat and getting fatter! But today... I was the glowing pregnant one, and it felt good! I figure the two times in a girls life she gets to be the center of attention are when she's married and when she's pregnant, and it's time I got to use my second excuse in person!

Really, the church here has come through for me on so many levels. It is my way of getting out of the house. If I am going somewhere to do something, I'm likely going to the church to do office work, do something for Sunday School, or attend a group or meeting. I still feel pretty lonely. I leave Bible Study some nights feeling totally disconnected but then...

Then wonderful things will happen like, Elaine the church secretary calling just because I had started volunteering and hadn't come in for over a week after I called to explain I was sick. When she found out I was still sick she immediately asked if she could do something--run errands, bring me anything, whatever. First of all, that means somebody knows my name and phone number... and pays attention to my well being! That made me feel so much less alone.

Or today, Pastor David, who had no way of knowing I was sick except through Elaine, made a point today to ask how I was feeling (and also got very excited when I said I was having a girl!).

Little things like that mean THE WORLD to me right now. It's not that I am so lonely, but when the isolated feelings come pounding down those little things make me feel much better.

Perhaps I'll blog more about this later, but I really think part of the 'lonelies' that I am feeling have to do with going from the college social culture to the adult world social culture. It's a lonely adjustment. But when I figure out how friendships work out here, I have every confidence that they'll be just as sweet. In the meantime, I have the knowledge that I have friends all over the country still pulling for me, and I for them. It's just an adjustment to not be able to go to Pokie or Steak-n-Shake with them when I'm awake at 1:15 am with lots to talk about.