"You'd be glowing too if...."

"You spent all your time puking." Ok, so I don't remember the exact verbage, but Phoebe said that on an episode of Friends when she was pregnant, and I tucked it away!

So... For those of you who've never been pregnant, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

It's not all joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. On top of that, people will constantly make you feel like it SHOULD be joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. They're full of crap. If you encounter these people when pregnant you can be assured of one of two things: 1) They have never been pregnant themselves or 2) They have totally and completely forgotten the reality of being pregnant.

I will say that for the most part I am enjoying my pregnancy. I have been determined to do so. It is exciting to have this little person growing inside of you to dream about and plan for and get all gooey-eyed about. It is fun to feel my little girl's kicks and punches and wiggles and turns and to read to my belly and talk to her.

However, I confess to you that at times I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling like a beached whale each time I attempt to turn over in bed. Some days the thought of having a baby outside my tummy scares the P-wadding out of me (I have no idea what P-wadding is... ask my father... or else don't!). And if I cry at one more Hallmark commercial, or McDonald's commercial, or Lowe's commercial I may implode.

Well-meaning people ask about pregnancy in excited tones and say things like, "I bet you just can't wait til she gets here." Or, "Being pregnant must be so neat!" Or, "Isn't it wonderful to feel that little life inside of you?" On most days I whole-heartedly agree with them. On the other days I really just want to punch them.

Yesterday, I read from one of my Expecting Mom's Devotional books. The lady who was writing talked of nothing but goo and glow and joy. I wanted to puke. It wasn't morning sickness!

Today and yesterday I have felt two things very strongly. The first is lack of 'glow.' The second is a general feeling of 'bah humbug.' It is frusterating and upsetting to me, largely due to my propensity to 'should on myself.' I feel like I should feel nothing but happy about this pregnancy. I feel that it is my responsibility to always let the joyful feelings win out over the scared to death feelings and the tired feelings and the emotionally spasmodic feelings. As for Christmas, I feel that since my husband will actually be here this year that I have an obligation and responsibility to enjoy the snot out of Christmas!

Truthfully, I want to glow and I want to be full of holiday cheer, but... I'm just not feeling all that right now. I think that is ok. I trust that tomorrow, or the day after that I will be back to glowing and decorating my house to the nines (like I've EVER done that, Ha!) for the holiday. For now, I am going to choose to be gentle with myself where I am.... and I might eat a little ice cream too!