"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."--Martin Luther King Jr.
It's funny... I can see (and have seen in my life) this quote going a couple ways. I can see the silence of our friends mattering because though they said little, they came alongside us and wordlessly walked the path with us through goods, and especially bad. That can be a balm of comfort on a weary day.
On the other hand... I can see remembering the silence of friends at times when you needed to know that you had been heard, or that you were thought of and cared about and instead you got silence. This can be a kick in the gut on a weary day.
I must admit, the first interpretation is much more enjoyable experientially.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
So This is Christmas...
Isn't that in a Wings song or something??
Yes, indeed, it is Christmas. More accurately, Christmas is drawing to a close here. We're about to head upstairs where I will don my brand new snuggly nightgown, and this Christmas will go into the stack of memories of Christmases past I keep in my mental attic.
It was a good day. We spent time together. We heard a sermon at church that put into words a lot of what I've been feeling about Christmas this year. We got better acquainted with some folks in our congregation at a church potluck (and ate LOTS of food). And, of course, we made out with some great Christmas loot, too!
You might have guessed that Santa brought us a digital camera. That's right, I will now be able to visually chronicle the happenings of our family along with my verbal ramblings. This should be good news for those of you who will want to see regular photos of the little girl who will be joining us in March.
Andy checks back in to work tomorrow. I'm not ready to give him back. It's been so nice to have him here, and to spend some time with him.
And now we begin to prepare to embark on the journey that will be 2005. I must admit, it looks rather daunting... but I pray that the hope, and yes, perspective that I gained this Christmas season will continue and help to sustain me through that roller coaster. There will be time later to reflect along that vein this week.
For now, I guess all there is left to say is simply, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Yes, indeed, it is Christmas. More accurately, Christmas is drawing to a close here. We're about to head upstairs where I will don my brand new snuggly nightgown, and this Christmas will go into the stack of memories of Christmases past I keep in my mental attic.
It was a good day. We spent time together. We heard a sermon at church that put into words a lot of what I've been feeling about Christmas this year. We got better acquainted with some folks in our congregation at a church potluck (and ate LOTS of food). And, of course, we made out with some great Christmas loot, too!
You might have guessed that Santa brought us a digital camera. That's right, I will now be able to visually chronicle the happenings of our family along with my verbal ramblings. This should be good news for those of you who will want to see regular photos of the little girl who will be joining us in March.
Andy checks back in to work tomorrow. I'm not ready to give him back. It's been so nice to have him here, and to spend some time with him.
And now we begin to prepare to embark on the journey that will be 2005. I must admit, it looks rather daunting... but I pray that the hope, and yes, perspective that I gained this Christmas season will continue and help to sustain me through that roller coaster. There will be time later to reflect along that vein this week.
For now, I guess all there is left to say is simply, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
My Christmas Spirit
I have had mixed feelings about many attitudes I've seen exhibited this Christmas. I thought at first, that I was annoyed at people who were 'bah-humbugging.' I've heard so many people decry the 'evils of commercialism' to the detriment of their own moods. I didn't understand that, but it wasn't the root of what was bugging me. I thought I was resistant to the 'shiny-happy Christmas spirit.' I'm not. I'm happy for people who are full of such nice shiny-happiness. I've seen people down on themselves for not being shiny-happy. That doesn't sit right with me. And, I think one of the things that I have reacted most strongly to this Christmas is people so stressed out by all they "have to do" for the holidays.
I think what it comes down to is that I'm frusterated and sad that people feel so many 'have-tos' about Christmas. People seem to think you have to feel good and full of Jingle Bells and Figgy Pudding, and if you don't feel good then Christmas isn't for you. People think they have to stress out about getting all their shopping done, planning the perfect meal, having to deal with relatives, etc, etc.
What I feel so strongly this Christmas is that it doesn't have to be anything. We don't have to be anything. Christmas is for people full of Jingle Bells and Figgy Pudding... Christmas is for people who don't know what to do with God anymore. Christmas is for people who are struggling with family situations, and illness, and loss.... Because Christmas is about God coming to earth to be with us where we are. The word 'Emmanuel' is so beautiful to me right now. "God with us." He is with us in our joy and giddy happiness, He is with us in our down-trodden spirits, He is with us in our questions--even if they are questions about HIM.
He is with us in our stress too... but why are we so tripped up in that? We are we 'have toing' ourselves to death? Why are we letting the places we have to go, the presents we have to ship, the shopping we haven't done, and the food that has to be perfect get in the way of the peace, the joy, the wonder, the comfort, the realness of Christmas? I hate the 'reason for the season' cliche. That's not what I'm talking about... I'm just talking about being so near-sighted that for some reason we aren't able to find ourselves in the picture of Christmas. Why do we do that?
This Christmas I am clinging to hope. I am trusting that there is joy. I am resting in the idea of God being with us... of EMMANUEL... even though sometimes I don't know who he is or what he's all about. I need to know that... my story isn't so different from the larger story of Christmas. I need to realize that my feelings of trepidation, uncertainty, questioning, and sadness don't in any way exclude me from the experience of Christmas.... Rather, those things connect me to THE STORY. I am so grateful to find myself there and know that somehow in my heart and in my life God will quietly, humbly come to be with me, to bring hope, and to remind my heart to sing even when I think I've forgotten the words.
I think what it comes down to is that I'm frusterated and sad that people feel so many 'have-tos' about Christmas. People seem to think you have to feel good and full of Jingle Bells and Figgy Pudding, and if you don't feel good then Christmas isn't for you. People think they have to stress out about getting all their shopping done, planning the perfect meal, having to deal with relatives, etc, etc.
What I feel so strongly this Christmas is that it doesn't have to be anything. We don't have to be anything. Christmas is for people full of Jingle Bells and Figgy Pudding... Christmas is for people who don't know what to do with God anymore. Christmas is for people who are struggling with family situations, and illness, and loss.... Because Christmas is about God coming to earth to be with us where we are. The word 'Emmanuel' is so beautiful to me right now. "God with us." He is with us in our joy and giddy happiness, He is with us in our down-trodden spirits, He is with us in our questions--even if they are questions about HIM.
He is with us in our stress too... but why are we so tripped up in that? We are we 'have toing' ourselves to death? Why are we letting the places we have to go, the presents we have to ship, the shopping we haven't done, and the food that has to be perfect get in the way of the peace, the joy, the wonder, the comfort, the realness of Christmas? I hate the 'reason for the season' cliche. That's not what I'm talking about... I'm just talking about being so near-sighted that for some reason we aren't able to find ourselves in the picture of Christmas. Why do we do that?
This Christmas I am clinging to hope. I am trusting that there is joy. I am resting in the idea of God being with us... of EMMANUEL... even though sometimes I don't know who he is or what he's all about. I need to know that... my story isn't so different from the larger story of Christmas. I need to realize that my feelings of trepidation, uncertainty, questioning, and sadness don't in any way exclude me from the experience of Christmas.... Rather, those things connect me to THE STORY. I am so grateful to find myself there and know that somehow in my heart and in my life God will quietly, humbly come to be with me, to bring hope, and to remind my heart to sing even when I think I've forgotten the words.
Lots of words for nothing
I don't know what to write today, but I feel like I need to. I tried to write about going to see The Messiah on Saturday. I attempted to narrate my discovery of there actually being 3 parts to the work. I might have told you about my delight in the third part which focused on the victory of Christ and the anticipation of his kindgom in us and on earth. Everything that I wrote about it was so clunky though, so I scrapped it.
I could write about feeling dreary lately, and trying to forge into the holiday spirit... I could have tried to be eloquent about my hoping that just understanding that Christmas is about a light in the darkness and hope in a barren land is enough for now. I've sort of done that already though.
Or I could tell you how nice it is to have Andy home on leave right now. I could write an expository paragraph about how very lovely it is to wake up in his arms, and how blessed I am to have married a man who will listen to me process through the same things over and over again before we go to sleep each night even though he can barely keep his eyes open.
I could prattle on dryly about my internet Christmas shopping being done and my need to go to the grocery store and the post office today. Or tell you that I'm not sure what we'll make for dinner Christmas eve and that I'm excited about going to the Christmas Potluck at church on Christmas Day (of course, I am taking Pink Stuff!). I could also whine greedily about the sad ratio of presents under my tree: 4:3:1--representing Andy, Baby, and Val respectively. That whining part wouldn't be right though because I have an amazing gift inside of me, and my wonderful parents gave us a beautiful glider rocking chair to spend hours rocking baby girl in when she gets here. Nope, it wouldn't be right, so I won't expound on that.
I could write all of that... but it just doesn't quite seem to fit.
(Incidentally... I remember one of my favorite profs. Dr. Stephens marvelling at my ability to take up so much space writing about nothing every week in my journal for him. He's right! I've got quite a knack!)
I could write about feeling dreary lately, and trying to forge into the holiday spirit... I could have tried to be eloquent about my hoping that just understanding that Christmas is about a light in the darkness and hope in a barren land is enough for now. I've sort of done that already though.
Or I could tell you how nice it is to have Andy home on leave right now. I could write an expository paragraph about how very lovely it is to wake up in his arms, and how blessed I am to have married a man who will listen to me process through the same things over and over again before we go to sleep each night even though he can barely keep his eyes open.
I could prattle on dryly about my internet Christmas shopping being done and my need to go to the grocery store and the post office today. Or tell you that I'm not sure what we'll make for dinner Christmas eve and that I'm excited about going to the Christmas Potluck at church on Christmas Day (of course, I am taking Pink Stuff!). I could also whine greedily about the sad ratio of presents under my tree: 4:3:1--representing Andy, Baby, and Val respectively. That whining part wouldn't be right though because I have an amazing gift inside of me, and my wonderful parents gave us a beautiful glider rocking chair to spend hours rocking baby girl in when she gets here. Nope, it wouldn't be right, so I won't expound on that.
I could write all of that... but it just doesn't quite seem to fit.
(Incidentally... I remember one of my favorite profs. Dr. Stephens marvelling at my ability to take up so much space writing about nothing every week in my journal for him. He's right! I've got quite a knack!)
Friday, December 10, 2004
More thoughts on Bah-humbug
It seems many are fed up this year with the commercialization of Christmas, and the feeling that this is 'the time to give' and no other time is... Or else, stressed out by the difficult situations in our lives that make it difficult to feel joyful at the time of a Christmas holiday. And that's ok. It's real.
But 'Bah humbugginess' (I just love putting suffixes on Bah humbug!) confuses me just a bit too. We don't have to be caught up in the commercialism. Not if we know what the real point is!!! I have many blessings this year, and maybe that's why I'm not understanding bah humbug as well at times. My husband will BE HOME for this holiday (I'm so pumped!!!), I am with child at this advent season... I am literally pregant in anticipation of our coming child and of Christ as well! Maybe it is the blessing of these things that overshadow me... and keep me feeling the wonder and fun of 'the season.'
And yet, I have fallen in and out of Bah-humbugging too. I wonder about the uncertainties of next Christmas. And I am not going to be able to travel to be with my family for this Christmas knowing time is precious. My mama will likely be having some medical procedures of some sort done around Christmastime and I won't be there to hold her hand. Some days this just devestates me. I have up days and down days emotionally, and days of keeping coming impending separations from my husband in persective better than others. Some days I escape the bah humbugs, and other days I just don't.
But then I remember... Jesus didn't come to a world full of joy and glad tidings. He came to a world that was desolate, barren, and desperate to hear ANYTHING from God... wondering if he was even still out there caring. He came not in a blaze of lightening... not in the form of a mighty supernatural ruler, but something EVEN MORE awe-inspiring... He came as a Baby! He came in such a way that we wouldn't feel threatened, in a way to ensure that our defenses and hackles about all we thought about God and his 'failures' in our lives wouldn't get in the way.
So as I see it... yeah we may be down and out... We may be depressed. We may be going through difficulties with loved ones, or we might be grieving the previous losses of loved ones. And for me looking ahead, yes, next year I will celebrate my daughter's first Christmas with her father thousands of miles away... Yes these things hurt.
But we have been given a LIGHT in the darkness. He has come and he is Emmanuel! He is GOD WITH US. He is hope... He brings me hope that I will have many more wonderful Christmases with my family, hope that this Christmas with my husband can be quiet and special and ours and somehow enough for two years worth or three years worth or for how ever many it needs be. Hope that even in the feelings of desolation I sense in others, a light may break through.
I pray that he will give you hope in whatever your circumstances as well. Things don't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be about the gifts and the family dinners and the shopping and the Christmas tree-trimming. We don't have to be full of joy and glad tidings and Christmas card wishes all the time... Jesus came to desolation and gave us hope... and then on the other end of the life of that innocent little baby... he died that we might be free and that death would be conquered and that eventually all of us Ragamuffins (whether our Ragamuffiness is realized or not) can meet together again in that place where there are no more tears. So... Rather than being hum-buggy... I'm going to do all I can to hold on to that LIGHT in the darkness and the hope that a tiny, powerless, fragile little baby can bring to me and to you. That's nothing to bah-humbug about!
But 'Bah humbugginess' (I just love putting suffixes on Bah humbug!) confuses me just a bit too. We don't have to be caught up in the commercialism. Not if we know what the real point is!!! I have many blessings this year, and maybe that's why I'm not understanding bah humbug as well at times. My husband will BE HOME for this holiday (I'm so pumped!!!), I am with child at this advent season... I am literally pregant in anticipation of our coming child and of Christ as well! Maybe it is the blessing of these things that overshadow me... and keep me feeling the wonder and fun of 'the season.'
And yet, I have fallen in and out of Bah-humbugging too. I wonder about the uncertainties of next Christmas. And I am not going to be able to travel to be with my family for this Christmas knowing time is precious. My mama will likely be having some medical procedures of some sort done around Christmastime and I won't be there to hold her hand. Some days this just devestates me. I have up days and down days emotionally, and days of keeping coming impending separations from my husband in persective better than others. Some days I escape the bah humbugs, and other days I just don't.
But then I remember... Jesus didn't come to a world full of joy and glad tidings. He came to a world that was desolate, barren, and desperate to hear ANYTHING from God... wondering if he was even still out there caring. He came not in a blaze of lightening... not in the form of a mighty supernatural ruler, but something EVEN MORE awe-inspiring... He came as a Baby! He came in such a way that we wouldn't feel threatened, in a way to ensure that our defenses and hackles about all we thought about God and his 'failures' in our lives wouldn't get in the way.
So as I see it... yeah we may be down and out... We may be depressed. We may be going through difficulties with loved ones, or we might be grieving the previous losses of loved ones. And for me looking ahead, yes, next year I will celebrate my daughter's first Christmas with her father thousands of miles away... Yes these things hurt.
But we have been given a LIGHT in the darkness. He has come and he is Emmanuel! He is GOD WITH US. He is hope... He brings me hope that I will have many more wonderful Christmases with my family, hope that this Christmas with my husband can be quiet and special and ours and somehow enough for two years worth or three years worth or for how ever many it needs be. Hope that even in the feelings of desolation I sense in others, a light may break through.
I pray that he will give you hope in whatever your circumstances as well. Things don't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be about the gifts and the family dinners and the shopping and the Christmas tree-trimming. We don't have to be full of joy and glad tidings and Christmas card wishes all the time... Jesus came to desolation and gave us hope... and then on the other end of the life of that innocent little baby... he died that we might be free and that death would be conquered and that eventually all of us Ragamuffins (whether our Ragamuffiness is realized or not) can meet together again in that place where there are no more tears. So... Rather than being hum-buggy... I'm going to do all I can to hold on to that LIGHT in the darkness and the hope that a tiny, powerless, fragile little baby can bring to me and to you. That's nothing to bah-humbug about!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Another Pregnant Phenomenon
Tonight I do believe I ate the weight of a horse. No really. I don't think I remember a time that I've been so hungry. I think I could even eat more right now... but I don't think I better. I sure hope this is pregancy induced... I also hope it is just a tonight thing... or else, I will soon weigh the same as that horse... and then some!!!
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Re-connecting
Tonight a friend of ours from college came to visit. In some colassal fluke of coincidence Lori happens to be seriously dating a sailor stationed not far from here, and she was visiting this weekend. She called this morning and we had them both over for pizza tonight.
I cannot even express how very wonderful it was to have company... and to be with someone who knew my name before I was a Navy wife. On top of that, she and her wonderful boyfriend both still fully understood the challenges involved with the lifestyle of a Navy family. We sat and talked and swapped stories for five hours.
It felt SOO good to reconnect with someone--to be able to talk about college, the baby, our work situations, her boyfriend's deployment experiences, things from closer to home (first home), girly things... And, it felt delightful to be KNOWN. It was a great to get to know Lori's boyfriend as well. He's an individual who is very inquisitive because he genuinely wants to learn about people. We were very happy to meet him!
It was good for Andy and Nick (Lori's fellow) as well, I believe. They were both able to talk about the struggles of being a sailor who doesn't fit the typical sailor stereotype. (I.E.--They don't drink and carouse. They'd rather be family men with integrity and devotion to God, than to tour the bars of the world and worship the toilet deity on a regular basis). They were able to relate and encourage one another a bit, I think. Now they both know they're not the only weirdos out there!!!
There is something that is just so... needed and life-giving in connecting and reconnecting with others. I am so grateful. Part of me wonders if it's a God thing... I don't get God these days... I don't know how he works in our lives. But maybe, just maybe, He is involved down to a level where He would care enough to encourage me at a time that a bit of encouragement might be needed. Is he somehow responsible for our sudden flourishing social life, and the opportunities that are popping up everywhere for me to reconnect with old friends right now? I don't know, but I think I will choose to be grateful regardless.
Another fun thing about today--It was Christmas Tree day!!! (Yes, I am feeling far less Bah-humbuggy). Andy and I put up the tree and our Christmasy decorations. We have quite a few ornaments for only being married one year and 5 months. My favorite thing about Christmas ornaments is the stories behind all of them. Except for the silver and red balls we have, each ornament is special to us for one reason or another. Every year when I put up the tree I get to remember why!
Incidentally, Chester is rather pleased with the tree as well... Lots of new ways to get into trouble, and lots of new hanging things to play with! The stinker!!! He did have some trauma as the tree was going up when he was attacked by a dangerous duct-tape monster. It stuck to his foot and no matter how much he ran around the living room, it wouldn't come off. I had to cut it off with scissors it was so stuck! Poor guy. He is sure to enjoy the Christmas Season and the veritable wonderland of mischief the tree provides despite his time of trauma.
I cannot even express how very wonderful it was to have company... and to be with someone who knew my name before I was a Navy wife. On top of that, she and her wonderful boyfriend both still fully understood the challenges involved with the lifestyle of a Navy family. We sat and talked and swapped stories for five hours.
It felt SOO good to reconnect with someone--to be able to talk about college, the baby, our work situations, her boyfriend's deployment experiences, things from closer to home (first home), girly things... And, it felt delightful to be KNOWN. It was a great to get to know Lori's boyfriend as well. He's an individual who is very inquisitive because he genuinely wants to learn about people. We were very happy to meet him!
It was good for Andy and Nick (Lori's fellow) as well, I believe. They were both able to talk about the struggles of being a sailor who doesn't fit the typical sailor stereotype. (I.E.--They don't drink and carouse. They'd rather be family men with integrity and devotion to God, than to tour the bars of the world and worship the toilet deity on a regular basis). They were able to relate and encourage one another a bit, I think. Now they both know they're not the only weirdos out there!!!
There is something that is just so... needed and life-giving in connecting and reconnecting with others. I am so grateful. Part of me wonders if it's a God thing... I don't get God these days... I don't know how he works in our lives. But maybe, just maybe, He is involved down to a level where He would care enough to encourage me at a time that a bit of encouragement might be needed. Is he somehow responsible for our sudden flourishing social life, and the opportunities that are popping up everywhere for me to reconnect with old friends right now? I don't know, but I think I will choose to be grateful regardless.
Another fun thing about today--It was Christmas Tree day!!! (Yes, I am feeling far less Bah-humbuggy). Andy and I put up the tree and our Christmasy decorations. We have quite a few ornaments for only being married one year and 5 months. My favorite thing about Christmas ornaments is the stories behind all of them. Except for the silver and red balls we have, each ornament is special to us for one reason or another. Every year when I put up the tree I get to remember why!
Incidentally, Chester is rather pleased with the tree as well... Lots of new ways to get into trouble, and lots of new hanging things to play with! The stinker!!! He did have some trauma as the tree was going up when he was attacked by a dangerous duct-tape monster. It stuck to his foot and no matter how much he ran around the living room, it wouldn't come off. I had to cut it off with scissors it was so stuck! Poor guy. He is sure to enjoy the Christmas Season and the veritable wonderland of mischief the tree provides despite his time of trauma.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
"You'd be glowing too if...."
"You spent all your time puking." Ok, so I don't remember the exact verbage, but Phoebe said that on an episode of Friends when she was pregnant, and I tucked it away!
So... For those of you who've never been pregnant, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
It's not all joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. On top of that, people will constantly make you feel like it SHOULD be joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. They're full of crap. If you encounter these people when pregnant you can be assured of one of two things: 1) They have never been pregnant themselves or 2) They have totally and completely forgotten the reality of being pregnant.
I will say that for the most part I am enjoying my pregnancy. I have been determined to do so. It is exciting to have this little person growing inside of you to dream about and plan for and get all gooey-eyed about. It is fun to feel my little girl's kicks and punches and wiggles and turns and to read to my belly and talk to her.
However, I confess to you that at times I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling like a beached whale each time I attempt to turn over in bed. Some days the thought of having a baby outside my tummy scares the P-wadding out of me (I have no idea what P-wadding is... ask my father... or else don't!). And if I cry at one more Hallmark commercial, or McDonald's commercial, or Lowe's commercial I may implode.
Well-meaning people ask about pregnancy in excited tones and say things like, "I bet you just can't wait til she gets here." Or, "Being pregnant must be so neat!" Or, "Isn't it wonderful to feel that little life inside of you?" On most days I whole-heartedly agree with them. On the other days I really just want to punch them.
Yesterday, I read from one of my Expecting Mom's Devotional books. The lady who was writing talked of nothing but goo and glow and joy. I wanted to puke. It wasn't morning sickness!
Today and yesterday I have felt two things very strongly. The first is lack of 'glow.' The second is a general feeling of 'bah humbug.' It is frusterating and upsetting to me, largely due to my propensity to 'should on myself.' I feel like I should feel nothing but happy about this pregnancy. I feel that it is my responsibility to always let the joyful feelings win out over the scared to death feelings and the tired feelings and the emotionally spasmodic feelings. As for Christmas, I feel that since my husband will actually be here this year that I have an obligation and responsibility to enjoy the snot out of Christmas!
Truthfully, I want to glow and I want to be full of holiday cheer, but... I'm just not feeling all that right now. I think that is ok. I trust that tomorrow, or the day after that I will be back to glowing and decorating my house to the nines (like I've EVER done that, Ha!) for the holiday. For now, I am going to choose to be gentle with myself where I am.... and I might eat a little ice cream too!
So... For those of you who've never been pregnant, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
It's not all joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. On top of that, people will constantly make you feel like it SHOULD be joy and bubbles and booties and happy warm thoughts. They're full of crap. If you encounter these people when pregnant you can be assured of one of two things: 1) They have never been pregnant themselves or 2) They have totally and completely forgotten the reality of being pregnant.
I will say that for the most part I am enjoying my pregnancy. I have been determined to do so. It is exciting to have this little person growing inside of you to dream about and plan for and get all gooey-eyed about. It is fun to feel my little girl's kicks and punches and wiggles and turns and to read to my belly and talk to her.
However, I confess to you that at times I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling like a beached whale each time I attempt to turn over in bed. Some days the thought of having a baby outside my tummy scares the P-wadding out of me (I have no idea what P-wadding is... ask my father... or else don't!). And if I cry at one more Hallmark commercial, or McDonald's commercial, or Lowe's commercial I may implode.
Well-meaning people ask about pregnancy in excited tones and say things like, "I bet you just can't wait til she gets here." Or, "Being pregnant must be so neat!" Or, "Isn't it wonderful to feel that little life inside of you?" On most days I whole-heartedly agree with them. On the other days I really just want to punch them.
Yesterday, I read from one of my Expecting Mom's Devotional books. The lady who was writing talked of nothing but goo and glow and joy. I wanted to puke. It wasn't morning sickness!
Today and yesterday I have felt two things very strongly. The first is lack of 'glow.' The second is a general feeling of 'bah humbug.' It is frusterating and upsetting to me, largely due to my propensity to 'should on myself.' I feel like I should feel nothing but happy about this pregnancy. I feel that it is my responsibility to always let the joyful feelings win out over the scared to death feelings and the tired feelings and the emotionally spasmodic feelings. As for Christmas, I feel that since my husband will actually be here this year that I have an obligation and responsibility to enjoy the snot out of Christmas!
Truthfully, I want to glow and I want to be full of holiday cheer, but... I'm just not feeling all that right now. I think that is ok. I trust that tomorrow, or the day after that I will be back to glowing and decorating my house to the nines (like I've EVER done that, Ha!) for the holiday. For now, I am going to choose to be gentle with myself where I am.... and I might eat a little ice cream too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
