Brain Burp

I'm not sure I'll be able to string together coherent thought, but I was wanting to write a bit.

Life is surely different than it was a month ago. I have this beautiful little girl. I haven't had a whole lot of sleep (though she slept through the night last night, hooray!!!). I'm elated that my husband is home and yet struggling to deal with the new dynamics having a baby brings to our relationship... and dealing with the dreaded count down.

I'm trying to figure out how to balance housework and things in the 'other category' (like blogging) with new little person calling the shots.

I'm starting to prepare for the move back to first home coming up in about a month.

And I'm spending a lot of time in now. Dealing with what hits me. It's the only way I know how to live right now. We've been going from emergency to emergency... crisis to crisis... One major life event to another... for so long now I don't really remember how to dwell on yesterday or tomorrow.

Today I thought about all that's hit in the last months... and I thought about how I've 'dealt' with it... and I wondered if I need to let myself feel more. The only thing that's felt ok some days is 'full speed ahead.' Yet things have happened... Big things. Things are happening. I guess I'm not quite sure how to feel through them. What does healthy emoting look like? When does 'Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, and Don't mess with Mr. In Between?' become obsolete? (well... that even just sounds annoying. Let's make it obsolete now).

But anyway... My daughter is beautiful. I love the feel of her soft skin. I could kiss her all day, I think. I love snuggling with her. Sometimes, if I'm not holding her, I'll just have to go run and get her. (Ok and then there are other times when I just need to pass her to Andy. ;) ). Being a Mommy is the hardest thing I've ever done... A lot harder than I thought in some ways. But it's sooo amazing. It's just sooo amazing. And so is Carolyn.