Navy Wife Life

As a result of a post I read here: http://bluechristian.blogspot.com/2005/09/life-of-army-wife.html , I wanted to take some time and reflect on my life so far as a Navy Wife.

The letter at Blue Christian paints a very negative story. And as I read it, I felt as though it were lifted up as a sort of, "See this is what it's REALLY like for military folk."

These are my thoughts today, and I will try to be objective.

Since Andy has been in the Navy life hasn't been particularly easy. We've been in a constant state of transition since we were married. We've spent a lot of time apart. We've not been able to be together for any birthdays, and few holidays. We've gone to sleep alone in beds far away from each other very frequently.

We've dealt with small things being blown way out of proportion: (I.E. The loss of a glove causing Andy and his shop to stay at work for most of two full days, the fear of Andy losing rank, and the temporary grounding of six planes).

We've dealt with the fear that Andy wouldn't be able to be with me for the birth of our daughter.

Our housing allowance didn't quite pay for the place we were renting for our first months in the Northwest.

I was sick for three months at the end of my pregnancy, and at times felt that my doctor just wasn't taking me seriously.

We haven't lived in one place for more than a year. We've moved a lot.

Our move from the Florida Panhandle to the Northwest was paid for mostly by us becuase they didn't recognize my move to Florida to be near Andy during training as valid.

That's a look at the bad.

Now comes a BUT. A BIG BUT. (I like BIG BUTS and I cannot lie... Do you believe I just typed that? Oh my...)

Because I am a Navy wife I've seen way more of the country than I ever thought I'd see. From Florida to the tippy top of the Northwest. I live on an Island of all things. I've seen mountains and beaches and met lots of different people. Heck! I might get to live someplace really cool for our next duty station--like Spain!

I have medical coverage that rarely requires I make a payment of any sort. I am very limited in what doctors I can see, but even there if I get a dud, I can change. I had a good doc in the Northwest, and I don't think a civilian doc would have or could have done a lot more for me during those three months of sickness.

I had a baby this year. I had a WONDERFUL labor and delivery experience at the military facility. My doctor was wonderful, the nurses were wonderful, the birthing room was beautiful. And... I didn't pay a cent for it.

I HAVE a housing allowance. My husband's base pay isn't spectacular, but with the housing allowance, we're able to make it.

I'm able to be a Stay at Home Mom to Carolyn without our finances being too strapped. Granted, most of our furniture is second-hand, and I don't go all out on decorating stuff, but we are still able to go out to eat occasionally, and buy frivolous things like DVDs.

We are in a financial position that was stable enough that we felt comfortable having a baby.

My husband WAS able to be with me when I had Carolyn. In fact, (and it doesn't always work this way), provisions were made so that instead of going on the month long detachment that he was scheduled for, he stayed back after C was born and went to a month long school. That meant he didn't get any leave time with C and I, but he did get to go to sleep in the same house as us for that time. (and this was after a very discouraging conversation with someone higher in the chain of command saying, "You will go to sea because that's what we do." Things looked terribly bleak, and then turned around)

When my Mom was referred to hospice, he got a morale call without even having to ask, or me having to call the Red Cross.

When my Mom was dying, and I made the Red Cross call, Andy's command did all they could to get him here to see her, and gave him enough leave time to see that I would be ok.

Some of this was luck. It doesn't always work out this well. We know that. We feel blessed, and we feel compassion for those who have do deal with births and deaths alone because of a deployment.

And as for the separations: In a word, they suck. They are hard. They are sad. They are scary. We miss each other. Adjusting at the end of them is difficult.

BUT

Because of them, we don't take the time we have with one another for granted. We cherish it as the gift that it truly is. We cherish each other. We don't leave things unsaid.

We feel empowered because we have faced many challenges (Navy related and otherwise), and we're still together, still in love, still gooey eyed about each other, even.

Distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder...

But getting through adversity together (Even if not locationally) DOES.

I can't speaak for other people and their experiences. I can only speak about mine.

So far our experience as a Navy family has been difficult, frustrating, tiring, and stressful. But it hasn't been without positives. I don't know if we'll decide to continue with the Navy thing after Andy's contract is up or not. There are a lot of day to day frustrations that can weigh you down.

All I know is that this is where we are now. As I say to myself every day, "It is what it is," and all I can do is take it for what it is, and do what I can with it.