Stumbling Through the Dark

I have a lot of trouble with what I perceive as 'Christian cliches.' Things like, "God spoke to me and said..." or, "God talks in a still small voice," or "God led me here."

It's not that I don't believe that God talks to us or leads us. I most certainly do. I just think many times when these phrases are uttered we don't really know what we mean or what we are saying. We're just talking in code because we're 'Christians.'

My problem with said alleged cliches is that I don't know exactly how they're fleshed out. And the vague sense that I have about how they may be fleshed out gets all confused when I start asking questions like, "How do I know that was God and not my own wants talking?" or "Does God really have an ultimate step-by-step plan for us that we can walk into or out of?"

My vague understanding of all of this spills into the areas of prayer and worship as well. A few years ago I thought I knew what both looked like. Now I feel clueless in both areas, and just know that whatever I do offer to God, I want to be real.

I mention all of this because it's heavy on my mind right now. Last week on our long journey out here I got a sense of direction of sorts that felt like a God moment--the type of God moment that I haven't had in a very LONG time. The type that I had almost written off as just being part of the Christian Code of Cliche.

I am left struggling to determine if said moment was a random daydream born out of my recent experiences, an emotional wish or sorts, something with hidden motives or...

was it God?

I know all of the normal litmus tests too: Does it line up with scripture? Is it Godly? Would it honor God? But even affirmative answers to all of those questions leaves a good deal of room for interpretation.

Experiences like this make me feel that I am doing nothing more than stumbling in the dark. And maybe that really is what I'm doing. Maybe it's all I can do--stumble in the dark, holding His hand, and trusting that He'll steady me if I stumble.

Maybe he's urging me to face this new direction.

Guess I'll face it and see what I stumble into next.