I'm not sure I'll be able to string together coherent thought, but I was wanting to write a bit.
Life is surely different than it was a month ago. I have this beautiful little girl. I haven't had a whole lot of sleep (though she slept through the night last night, hooray!!!). I'm elated that my husband is home and yet struggling to deal with the new dynamics having a baby brings to our relationship... and dealing with the dreaded count down.
I'm trying to figure out how to balance housework and things in the 'other category' (like blogging) with new little person calling the shots.
I'm starting to prepare for the move back to first home coming up in about a month.
And I'm spending a lot of time in now. Dealing with what hits me. It's the only way I know how to live right now. We've been going from emergency to emergency... crisis to crisis... One major life event to another... for so long now I don't really remember how to dwell on yesterday or tomorrow.
Today I thought about all that's hit in the last months... and I thought about how I've 'dealt' with it... and I wondered if I need to let myself feel more. The only thing that's felt ok some days is 'full speed ahead.' Yet things have happened... Big things. Things are happening. I guess I'm not quite sure how to feel through them. What does healthy emoting look like? When does 'Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, and Don't mess with Mr. In Between?' become obsolete? (well... that even just sounds annoying. Let's make it obsolete now).
But anyway... My daughter is beautiful. I love the feel of her soft skin. I could kiss her all day, I think. I love snuggling with her. Sometimes, if I'm not holding her, I'll just have to go run and get her. (Ok and then there are other times when I just need to pass her to Andy. ;) ). Being a Mommy is the hardest thing I've ever done... A lot harder than I thought in some ways. But it's sooo amazing. It's just sooo amazing. And so is Carolyn.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Sunday, March 27, 2005
He is Risen Indeed!
Baby C's first Easter was a lot of fun. Last night we had some friends over and colored Easter Eggs. Today she got all gussied up in her Easter Sunday best and went to church. She was a hit there. It was her first Sunday and everyone wanted to oogle over her.
Then we came home and had our friend, Jamie, over for roast, potatoes, green beans, and cheese cake!
But the most important thing is that... Christ is indeed risen! He has conquered sin and death so that everyone, including Baby C, can face the future triumphantly. LIFE wins. LIGHT wins. That is something to celebrate.
Then we came home and had our friend, Jamie, over for roast, potatoes, green beans, and cheese cake!
But the most important thing is that... Christ is indeed risen! He has conquered sin and death so that everyone, including Baby C, can face the future triumphantly. LIFE wins. LIGHT wins. That is something to celebrate.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Official Announcement
On Monday, March 7th at 11:45 a.m Carolyn Helen entered the world. She weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz. and measured 20.5 inches long. I went into labour Sunday the 6th at about 9:30 p.m. Will tell you all the story in a later post.
Other great news--Andy is staying put for a while!!!! He did NOT have to leave on the latest boat det. Again, more details forthcoming.
We are all doing well. We're settling into the pattern of being a family of three, learning about one another, and enjoying this amazing miracle.
So now you're all officially updated via the blogworld. And of course there are pictures!
Other great news--Andy is staying put for a while!!!! He did NOT have to leave on the latest boat det. Again, more details forthcoming.
We are all doing well. We're settling into the pattern of being a family of three, learning about one another, and enjoying this amazing miracle.
So now you're all officially updated via the blogworld. And of course there are pictures!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Mommy Dogma
I am finding the closer we get to this little one getting here, how very dogmatic EVERYONE is over Mommy issues. It's really more than a little frustrating, as everybody has a very firm opinion about what the right thing to do in any given situation is... And when you try to gather input from others about your own situations you get bombarded by the dogma.
Apparently, I am being induced on Wednesday... I feel very stupid to admit to you, that I did not realize that was what my doctor was planning yesterday even when he set me up with an appointment at Labor and Delivery on Wednesday. It was my understanding that we were going to 'take measures to soften the cervix.' But... that is just step one of what could be a long process. I am slightly annoyed that my opinion was not asked in all of this... nor was I really given the opportunity to give consent or refuse. Nor was I really filled in on what would happen and how it would go down/ That is partially because I was very overwhelmed at the end of my appointment yesterday and decisions were being made and actions taken at the L&D desk rather than... with me in a room with time to ask questions. I wish I had been thinking clearly, asking questions, and advocating... I'm going to consider what is happening and perhaps take measures to at least talk to my doc before Wednesday...
There are so many different camps about so many different things. Inductions, certain medicines, everything. What I find frustrating is when the primary people that you seek out for advice all have opposing views and think that people on the other side of their views are crackers. Makes me think maybe everybody is crackers.
I also find that people try so very hard to be helpful and really flop at it in situations like this. I've already mentioned that commiserating with me because others' labors came lots later than mine doesn't comfort me at present because of Andy's schedule. I find myself chafing to well meaning people's long, long, long list of 'things to try' to get things going. My doula for instance went on for about an hour yesterday of ways to get baby to not be posterior. I knew most of the ways... in fact I'd sent her a document I'd found detailing many of them because I thought she might like to pass on a comprehensive list to others in my position. What happens though when people are rapid-fire suggesting these things is I start to feel overwhelmed. Basically, after talking to her yesterday I felt that I couldn't sit down until after the baby gets here. What I heard last night was that I either have to be on my feet or on my hands and knees. Sitting is bad. Laying down is... mostly bad. Walking is good. Walking up and down stairs is good. Exercise x, y, and z good. Being on hands and knees doing this, this, and this--also good.... Dang! I'm tired just thinking of it... tired with achy knees!
And again I say--if one more person tells me to have sex I will... well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I'm almost 41 weeks pregnant, and it's sure NOT to be pretty.
So at this point... a cave in Zimbabwe with easy medical access is sounding good. I LOVE hearing from people, and I NEED to know I'm supported... but when things cross from being supportive to preachy... it is hard to stay in perspective and be grateful.
I'm writing this thinking... will people be offended? Most of the people reading this haven't done the silly things I've mentioned... And I can't help but think that maybe hearing this now will help other people that read here (am thinking of two soon-to-be or trying-to-be Mommy's in particular A & J) to know that these feelings happen at 40 weeks and counting... So please do not anyone think that this vent is pointed at them, or feel that they need to be offended. I simply must muse at the difficulties of this place I find myself in.
Again... I would covet your prayers that this baby would turn and stop being sunny side-up... Drop in my pelvis... and that contractions would start so we can have this baby... preferably before Wednesday when... induction may happen.
Apparently, I am being induced on Wednesday... I feel very stupid to admit to you, that I did not realize that was what my doctor was planning yesterday even when he set me up with an appointment at Labor and Delivery on Wednesday. It was my understanding that we were going to 'take measures to soften the cervix.' But... that is just step one of what could be a long process. I am slightly annoyed that my opinion was not asked in all of this... nor was I really given the opportunity to give consent or refuse. Nor was I really filled in on what would happen and how it would go down/ That is partially because I was very overwhelmed at the end of my appointment yesterday and decisions were being made and actions taken at the L&D desk rather than... with me in a room with time to ask questions. I wish I had been thinking clearly, asking questions, and advocating... I'm going to consider what is happening and perhaps take measures to at least talk to my doc before Wednesday...
There are so many different camps about so many different things. Inductions, certain medicines, everything. What I find frustrating is when the primary people that you seek out for advice all have opposing views and think that people on the other side of their views are crackers. Makes me think maybe everybody is crackers.
I also find that people try so very hard to be helpful and really flop at it in situations like this. I've already mentioned that commiserating with me because others' labors came lots later than mine doesn't comfort me at present because of Andy's schedule. I find myself chafing to well meaning people's long, long, long list of 'things to try' to get things going. My doula for instance went on for about an hour yesterday of ways to get baby to not be posterior. I knew most of the ways... in fact I'd sent her a document I'd found detailing many of them because I thought she might like to pass on a comprehensive list to others in my position. What happens though when people are rapid-fire suggesting these things is I start to feel overwhelmed. Basically, after talking to her yesterday I felt that I couldn't sit down until after the baby gets here. What I heard last night was that I either have to be on my feet or on my hands and knees. Sitting is bad. Laying down is... mostly bad. Walking is good. Walking up and down stairs is good. Exercise x, y, and z good. Being on hands and knees doing this, this, and this--also good.... Dang! I'm tired just thinking of it... tired with achy knees!
And again I say--if one more person tells me to have sex I will... well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I'm almost 41 weeks pregnant, and it's sure NOT to be pretty.
So at this point... a cave in Zimbabwe with easy medical access is sounding good. I LOVE hearing from people, and I NEED to know I'm supported... but when things cross from being supportive to preachy... it is hard to stay in perspective and be grateful.
I'm writing this thinking... will people be offended? Most of the people reading this haven't done the silly things I've mentioned... And I can't help but think that maybe hearing this now will help other people that read here (am thinking of two soon-to-be or trying-to-be Mommy's in particular A & J) to know that these feelings happen at 40 weeks and counting... So please do not anyone think that this vent is pointed at them, or feel that they need to be offended. I simply must muse at the difficulties of this place I find myself in.
Again... I would covet your prayers that this baby would turn and stop being sunny side-up... Drop in my pelvis... and that contractions would start so we can have this baby... preferably before Wednesday when... induction may happen.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Trash Can/No baby
So... on my encourage-baby-to-come walk yesterday, I discovered that our trash can had been melted to the ground. I'm not sure how. The rim of it is still there... but the bottom is charred, melted mess. Interestingly, there are no char marks on the ground around it. It's really very bizarre. We called our property manager, and she arraged for the city to send us a new trash barrel. A trash can is a weird thing to vandalize, don't you think?
While the property manager was here taking pictures and talking to my husband, apparently a Jr. Highish age kid stopped by on his bike and hypothesized that it was a 'lighter bomb.' He then proceeded to explain in detail how to make such a thing... He assured them he was not the one to blame for the trash can and he didn't know who was... But it creeps me out quite a bit to know that kiddos these days are so well-versed in bomb and various other fiery weaponry that they can give detailed descriptions of how to make them at the drop of a hat.
Yes, since I'm posting here it means there is no baby to meet yet. Sure wish I could tell you other news. God bless those people who try to say helpful things, but, "Oh... don't worry honey, I was 2 weeks late with my baby." or, "I was 17 days late when I finally went," really aren't helpful comments. Andy has less than 2 weeks on land left (well, I'm hoping I have the dates slightly off), and still no baby. I NEED for her to get here. It's not just me feeling uncomfortable, and I don't think I'm being a baby for being a little anxious. And... speaking of anxious, let me insert here that it also doesn't help when people tell me I MUST stay calm because tension will make my body not go into labor too. Then I start feeling stressed and guilty about feeling stressed.
*sigh* I do not wish this on anyone...
But in a few days, I will have a beautiful baby girl to love and hold and watch grow... and it will all somehow work out and be worth it.
While the property manager was here taking pictures and talking to my husband, apparently a Jr. Highish age kid stopped by on his bike and hypothesized that it was a 'lighter bomb.' He then proceeded to explain in detail how to make such a thing... He assured them he was not the one to blame for the trash can and he didn't know who was... But it creeps me out quite a bit to know that kiddos these days are so well-versed in bomb and various other fiery weaponry that they can give detailed descriptions of how to make them at the drop of a hat.
Yes, since I'm posting here it means there is no baby to meet yet. Sure wish I could tell you other news. God bless those people who try to say helpful things, but, "Oh... don't worry honey, I was 2 weeks late with my baby." or, "I was 17 days late when I finally went," really aren't helpful comments. Andy has less than 2 weeks on land left (well, I'm hoping I have the dates slightly off), and still no baby. I NEED for her to get here. It's not just me feeling uncomfortable, and I don't think I'm being a baby for being a little anxious. And... speaking of anxious, let me insert here that it also doesn't help when people tell me I MUST stay calm because tension will make my body not go into labor too. Then I start feeling stressed and guilty about feeling stressed.
*sigh* I do not wish this on anyone...
But in a few days, I will have a beautiful baby girl to love and hold and watch grow... and it will all somehow work out and be worth it.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Due Date
Well.... Today is my due date. No baby yet. At my appointment yesterday I found out that I'm having pretty regular contractions... but they aren't making anything happen. So I'm praying for some kick-butt contractions to come soon. The baby was still also pretty posterior and not as far down as she needed to be.
I must confess to being very anxious about this. Andy leaves in two and a half weeks. I just want to have SOMETHING that I'm not anxious about right now.
Trying to trust that God's timing is the right timing... but it's hard. It's too early to get worried or upset about it, but the calendar just isn't very friendly right now.
So anyway... I'm walking up a storm. Walking up and down steps. Eating spicy food. Doing everything you're supposed to. And if one more person tells me to go have sex I will likely go irritable pregnant woman wild on them!!!
Andy has the 000-800 watch tonight.... so if it's tomorrow he will be very groggy. Nonetheless I am still *HOPING* that tomorrow is the day.
Come on Baby Girl!!!!
I must confess to being very anxious about this. Andy leaves in two and a half weeks. I just want to have SOMETHING that I'm not anxious about right now.
Trying to trust that God's timing is the right timing... but it's hard. It's too early to get worried or upset about it, but the calendar just isn't very friendly right now.
So anyway... I'm walking up a storm. Walking up and down steps. Eating spicy food. Doing everything you're supposed to. And if one more person tells me to go have sex I will likely go irritable pregnant woman wild on them!!!
Andy has the 000-800 watch tonight.... so if it's tomorrow he will be very groggy. Nonetheless I am still *HOPING* that tomorrow is the day.
Come on Baby Girl!!!!
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