End of Pregnancy Musings

It's interesting being at the end of this pregnancy. I watch the count down to my due date (8 days), and know that I'm full term and can't help but wonder, "When will it be?" I wake up every morning and think, "It could be today. It could be in three weeks."

Every 'off' symptom makes me wonder. Wow--my back is hurting... is that it? Wow--my stomach is crazy... are we close?

I'm walking and walking and walking, trying little things that I've heard are good for helping babies get positioned correctly (whether they're legit or not, I don't know. Can't hurt), consulting my "What to Expect..." books regularly.

I'm daydreaming more and more about what my daughter will be like. I still feel a good deal of peace about her arrival, despite the general disarray of the room full of her stuff. I do have some nervousness about "And factors." ("And factors" are things that go beyond one scenario or another... for instance: "having a baby AND dealing with Andy's det. schedule) But, by and large... I am just anxious to meet my daughter.

We will admit to wanting our little one to get here sooner than later, and I think we have legitimate reasons to hope for this. The boat will be calling far sooner than we want, and we need time to be together before that happens.

Still... people say nearly every day, "You're at that point when you just want her out, aren't you?" I can't say that I am, though I wouldn't complain at ALL if she came right now. Life lately is teaching me in many different ways the importance of time. This is the time I am given, and I will live it and live in it. This is time with Andy. This is time for preparation. Rushing things or trying to hide from life are not options right now. I need to be where I am when I am--alert and involved, and so I am trying to be so.

That doesn't mean that I'm not ready to get rid of these swollen ankles, sleep without waking up 25 times to change position and/or pee, bid farewell to my achy back, and maybe possibly kick the rest of the congestion I'm feeling. It's just that, those things really are minor and the days of experiencing them are numbered.

I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy. It was one of my goals when we first found out I was expecting. Though there have been days that I would say I wasn't exactly cheerful about the process, for the most part I must say I have. I can't think of a time in my life when I have felt more lovely, believe it or not--even if I am rather large. I love my shape. I love my belly. I don't even mind my stretch marks too much. (Was that oversharing?) I'm not sure I'll tell you that I miss pregnancy when this is over, but I can certainly think of worse states to be in. (Note: I hope not to forget the tough stuff to the extent that I cannot empathize with others in the throes of "I'm not glowingness").

And again I tell you... The timing of this baby's arrival must really be of God. He knew she was needed and needed now. Again and again I draw peace from that. Given that, I can only trust that the exact timing of her arrival will be 'just on time' too... even if it is later than we hope.

Now it's time to head to sleep, so I can wake up again tomorrow and wonder, "Is today the day?" We shall see. We shall see.