Christmas Ruminations

So here's what I think.

I think we're all upside down about Christmas.

We spend all this time hustling and bustling and making it this huge big deal.

It's such a notably cheerful time of year, that people feel guilty when they need a refill on their cup o' Christmas cheer.

This year I learned even more about Christmas being a light in the darkness. This Christmas, I was really just feeling a lot of darkness. Grief upon grief will wear one down... missing one's husband will too.

I did'nt even want to look for the light in the darkness at times this year. That just seemed too much energy.

But... with an extra helping of grace, I was able to. I could only utter a haphazard prayer asking for slivers of light. And I found them. I found them in the hugs of my nephews and the smile of my daugher, in time with my sisters and brothers in law. In getting to know Andy's family, albeit under terrible circumstances.

And as I saw these slivers all I could think of was what a sliver of light even Christ's coming must have seemed at the time. Can you imagine? What's the big deal? Some rag-tag kid was just born in a manger of all places? Angels came to sing over this? They were hoping for a revolution here, folks!

When I picture Israel at the time of Christ's coming, I picture barrenness, dryiness, hopelessness.

And then a helpless baby comes to be the savior? Right....

But He was a sliver of light in the darkness. And as that child grew in stature and strength the sliver grew into a pillar of hope and light. And then... it seemed that it would go out... But in one triumphant sweep, what began as the sliver of light known as a helpless newborn, conquered darkness, and death (yes death!), and sin in a blaze of glory and victory.

So my prayer this Christmas, in the midst of my own darkness was that these slivers of light would grow... and that I would remember that humble beginnings of light in the darkness may turn out in suprising ways.

And above all that the joy that comes from that one triumphant blaze would be alive in me.

So I still belive it's ok to be less than cheerful at Christmas, and I think even with angels and wiseman it wasn't all hoopla that first Christmas. Most of all, I think Christ still penetrates the darkest darkness, Humbly, meekly, but completely and triumphantly.

Prayers would be good

Husband's Grandfather has had a heart attack. 2 of his major arteries are 75% blocked. He was advised that surgery would be very risky because of his age and the risk of a stroke, so they have decided to forego it. They've put him on medication to ease the pain, make him comfortable, and hopefully combat the problems to an extent. There is a chance he will recover enough to go home and continue being our fiesty Grandpa.

We're weary. Husband feels helpless being so far away. If you could pray, we would appreciate it.

I Got Tagged!!!

I am SOOO excited! I've never been tagged to do a meme before. And today Amanda tagged me! I am ridiculously excited about this. Ok. So here goes:

Seven Things Tag

Seven Things to do Before I Die:

1. Write a book
2. Get my Master's Degree
3. Go with Andy to some of the places he's been in port while being a sailing sailor (Hmmm... Rome maybe?)
4. Work successfully in a job that feels like it fits me and I fit it
5. Tip a waitress $100
6. Finish The Brothers Karamazov (I really like, it... but given I've been reading it for 2 years now I really need to get going in order to finish this goal.
7. Touch a dolphin

Seven Things I cannot Do:

1. Speak a foreign language (though... I have a rudimentarly knowledge of sign language)
2. Sew
3. Ski
4. Wiggle my ears
5. Play softball without wanting to be swallowed by a hole in the earth
6. Swim in the ocean without worrying about 'critters and itchums' (which is unfortunate because I LOVE the ocean)
7. Stop thinking... Ever...

Seven Things That Attract me to my Husband:

1. He knows how to sit and just be with me.... without an agenda but totally WITH me when I am happy or otherwise
2. His love of all things beautiful
3. The way the depth of his faith and thoughts will suprise me when I least expect it.
4. His dedication to perpetually 'wooing' me
5. The way he is with Carolyn
6. His willingness to cook and do dishes
7. He loves me... like no one else does.

Seven Things I say Most Often:

1. "No... We don't eat catfood!"
2. "Crup"
3. "Are you sure?"
4. "Oh myy..."
5. "Abba Du"
6. "A dink" (In answer to Dh's "Rink-a-dink-a-dink")
7. He/she needs a 'quit being dumb' card

Seven Books or Series I Love:

1. Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Anne Brashares)
2. Madeleine L'Engle's Time Trilogy
3. The World of Pooh (Milne)
4. The Ragamuffin Gospel (Brennan Manning)
5. The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien)
6. A Ring of Endless Light (L'Engle again)
7. Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now? (Seuss)

Seven Movies I would watch over and over and over and...

1. The Princess Bride
2. White Christmas (even if it's not Christmastime)
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. The Shadowlands
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. Return to Me
7. Anne of Green Gables

Seven Bloggers to Tag:

Becca, Lauren, Karen, Sarah, Tracie, Red, and Jodie!

An Open Confession and Apology

Hi. My name is Val. And I am rude. This is something that I'm only recently discovering to be such a character deficiency of mine. I always felt that I exhibited at least average manners. Apparently I was as wrong as could be.

My Mil. Spouse message board has cycled through a few topics lately about how very rude people are these days. *Waves sheepishly at my spouse board*

Apparently it is highly offensive to neglect to RSVP and even worse to be late with or to not write Thank You notes.

So... Here are where the confessions start:

Until this year I rolled my eyes at RSVPs... Especially for weddings in which I stood up as part of the wedding party. For the last wedding I attended, I was *SO* proud of myself because I had remembered to send in the RSVP. I even included a little note to the bride saying I couldn't wait to meet her (I was a friend of the groom). A week before the wedding I got a phone call from the groom's Mom wondering if I was coming. My heart sunk. I had tried so hard to be a polite person... but it hadn't gotten there. I stuttered and stammered and assured her that I had sent in the RSVP and I couldn't understand how it wasn't there.

Last week I found a small envelope with my RSVP still in it, complete with my little note. *UGH* Again I goofed.

I will also admit to being very poor at writing Thank You notes. I can't remember if I got all of the ones sent for my graduation gifts. I do remember trying. I know I still had a pile of *addresses lost and not in the phone book* Thank Yous from my wedding that I finally gave up on last year, and this year... Well this year I will tell you that I have earnestly tried to get Thank Yous out... But it's an uphill battle to get a shower and dressed each day. So... My post-birth Carolyn thank yous didn't happen, and I'm still working on those from Mom's funeral.

One of my problems with Thank You notes is that I always find generic "Thank you for the ____s" to be a tad impersonal, and I try to spice them up a bit. That takes more time, and energy, and then I find myself overwhelmed. In reaction to overwhelmedness I quit. Quitting is not conducive to completing Thank You notes. You see the problem.

There are my confessions.

Here is my apology: I'm sorry to everyone whom I have slighted with my lack of RSVP/Thank You note etiquette. I really am. It has not been my intention to be rude or thoughtless, but I realize that might have been the message I sent through my oversight.

Now here are my thoughts about manners and etiquette in general. I credit my Mom for giving them to me. But I don't blame her for my deficiencies (how many weeks after Christmas did I sit with a fat pencil in hand writing, "Dear Aunt ____ Thank you for the toy. I like it. Love, Val"?)

See... I think Manners are nice and all. And I do think they make our society a friendlier place--a more pleasant place to be.

But they are meant to do just that. They are meant to make people feel comfortable. At the point in which they stop making people feel comfortable and start making them feel inferior, out of place, or in any other way uncomfortable, they cease to be manners. I don't want to hold onto my idea of manners as some measuring stick for the kindness, worthiness, or goodness of others (and I'm *NOT* saying that those who feel strongly about RSVPs and Thank Yous are this way).

When people come into my home, I want them to know that I like them as they are. If you want to eat with your elbows on the table, I might just join you. If you belch every other moment... Well I won't join you on that one.... I try to adjust my level of mannerliness to the occasion: Formal dinner=elbows off the table, sit up straight, use proper silverware. Incidentally my palms sweat straight through such things. Living room with DH and friends: Ooops. I forgot to put my napkin on my lap and I reached across you for the garlic bread. Experiencing less sweating though!

I forget to say Please and Thank You sometimes. Sometimes I chew with my mouth open. I've been known to eat with my elbows on the table, and I'm still not entirely sure how to use all the pieces of silverware on a formally prepared table. For all of these things I again apologize.

When I am old and grey, instead of being the lady at the dinner table clearing her throat at the child who forgot to put her napkin on her lap, I want to be the feisty lady, who winks at the child and gives them a hint and later tells them, "It took me a long time to learn that one, dear. You'll remember next time!"

I want to make people feel comfortable. Not guilty.

THAT is what manners are about in my opinion.

But.... I still do apologize for those that I have prevoiusly slighted. Brandy, Lauren, Becca, Ang--I'm coming to your weddings (I was there, remember?).

And I do sincerely, fully, gratefully acknowledge all of those who have been so kind to me and my family this year in gifts and support. Your kindness DIDN'T go unnoticed. Thank you for being there (and hopefully you WILL find a note in your mailbox soon).


Confessions/Apologies/and Thoughts ended.