What's Up?

The first week of college in our incredibly annoying, "Connect Class" we had to take these silly tests that were supposed to help us discover what our 'potential problem areas' were going to be for our academic careers. My results essentially said that I was socially inept. My summation of the results: Get friends even though you suck at doing so.

At that point, I didn't believe I was socially inept. At that point, perhaps I wasn't.At this point, I would say that I undoubtedly am.

I CANNOT for the life of me carry a conversation of small-talk anymore. I dread it. Today in church, a guy that I went to school with approached me along with his fiance. They wanted to see Carolyn. I had no idea what to say to them.

I really hate the general chit-chatting questions: For instance, "What's up?" Or, "What is new in your life?" Somehow it doesn't feel entirely appropriate to say, "I'm grieving the loss of my mother, my husband is deployed, and I'm doing the best I can to take care of our 8 month old while living in a house that is not my own, and you?" For that matter, part of me would like to reply, "Exactly why is it that in our culture it is the norm to ask questions that we don't really want the answer to? I mean really. When is the last time you heard that question and the person asking wasn't expecting a 'Nothing really.'" Those remarks would go over about as well as a turd in a punchbowl though, don't you think (Truly one of my favorite Momisms there. ;))?

I just don't know how to answer chit-chat, and I don't know what to ask other people. Do I inquire about their jobs? Their family? Do I have time to really hear what they have to say? I just fumble and stumble. And sometimes I thrust C forward so that the focus shifts onto her. I can just smile quietly while people go on about how she is "Such a precious little baby."

I think my real problem is that my head is just so full right now, and has been for the last two years, really. Many aspects of my current experience are also very foreign to those around me. I haven't picked up a phrasebook for translating yet. Even if I did I think it might be like the episode of West Wing where it took three translators to get from English to a dignitary's Native Language. Wait.... if you're not familiar with West Wing, translation might be necessary here. Ok. I give up.

I think what I have to say is valuable and I want to discover the valuable insight of others as well. But if I have to get through chit-chat to get there, I'm in trouble.

So this is me confessing: It's true. I am socially inept. I beg your forgiveness for any social faux pas I may commit while conversing with you. And I apologize if I stand looking at you with my tongue lolling about for extended periods of time. I really do care about what you have to say. I am just anxious to get to the part where it's actually said. In the meantime, try not to say anything that would inspire me to hand you a "Quit being dumb card" and we'll get along just fine.

I'm really very approachable.