Joy

It's a suprise to me, but the feeling I feel most strongly since Mom left us yesterday is joy.

My Mom is free now. She had her first good day in 9 months yesterday. She doesn't hurt any more. She isn't stuck in a body that can't keep up with her mind and spirit.

Being by her side as she went through her final days as such an amazing blessing, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The person who lay in the hopsital bed in her room those last few days seemed just a shell of the wonderful woman I knew as "Mom." And yet... MOM was in there. That was what was excruciating. She was in there... Locked in a body that was non-responsive and suffering.

The look on Mom's face when I saw her after she passed yesterday morning was one of complete peace. I can only imagine that those first moments of heaven were full of such amazing joy and peace and release and relief for her.

I can feel her smiling. I can feel her laughing. And it makes me want to laugh and smile too.

I grieve for what we will not have, and for the brilliant colors that left the world yesterday...

But I am so very happy for my Mommy.