Carolyn and her Daddy enjoy one another so much. It is such a gift that they have this time to be together. Not to mention the gift of the scenery. Wow!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Friday, August 12, 2005
Addie, and Cindi, and Fay A, and Justakid, and Everyone
If you are one who prays, PLEASE pray for my friends at LCSC (Lung Cancer Support Community). The news there has been particularly dismal in the last few months. My Mom's passing was one of so many recently, and some long time much beloved members are just getting horrible news.
Pray especially for those that are having huge bumps in the rode. These folks are seeing recurrence, new staging, new mets, and all that goes with all of that. The collective heart of that online community is SO VERY heavy. All of us, but especially those whose battle has just become so much more intense, need many many prayers.
http://lchelp.org/
My heart just aches.
Pray especially for those that are having huge bumps in the rode. These folks are seeing recurrence, new staging, new mets, and all that goes with all of that. The collective heart of that online community is SO VERY heavy. All of us, but especially those whose battle has just become so much more intense, need many many prayers.
http://lchelp.org/
My heart just aches.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
100 Things About Me
I took my friend, Gina's (http://gina8724.blogspot.com/) challenge and this is what I came up with.
1. My name is Val
2. I have one daughter.
3. I’m married (to a wonderful man whom I adore)
4. I’m a Navy wife.
5. I don’t have a permanent address at the moment.
6. I stubbed my toe a couple weeks ago and tore some skin off and it’s just now healing.
7. I have freckles.
8. I have brown hair.
9. I go to church.
10. I try to love people like Christ loved people, and probably fail far too often.
11. I’m named after My Mom’s friend and my Dad’s sister.
12. I named my daughter after my Mom and my husband’s grandmother.
13. I like the beach.
14. I enjoy watching the sun set.
15. I’m scared to swim in the ocean because I’m paranoid about stinging creatures and other sea life
16. I spend way too much time on the internet.
17. I’ve spent a lot of time writing lately.
18. I’m staying at a really cute furnished vacation rental right now.
19. When I was in 3rd Grade, I had braces.
20. I used to have a huge gap between my teeth.
21. I still have a tiny gap between my teeth.
22. I’m a romantic, but I try not to be cheesy.
23. I’m a regular poster at 3 message boards.
24. I’ve met ‘people I knew from the interenet’ several times (like Gina!)
25. I like trees.
26. My favorite verse from the Bible is Jeremiah 17:7-8 (about trees!)
27. I still like to color in coloring books.
28. I love porch swings.
29. I’m going to a picnic today, but I’m not sure that I want to.
30. I love ice cream.
31. I frequently self-medicate with chocolate.
32. I don’t think there’s anything more comforting that Peppermint Tea in a big black mug.
33. I love the T.V. show Judging Amy
34. I read 22 blogs somewhat regularly.
35. I have trouble numbering things like this.
36. I keep several journals.
37. I hope to have a book published some day.
38. I may or may not be working on said book right now.
39. When I was in 3rd Grade I had to sing, "My Country Tis of Thee" every day.
40. My anniversary is June 29th.
41. I’m an INFP accorting to the Kiersey Temperment Sorter
42. Input, Developer, Connectivity, Cognition, and something else that starts with a C are my strengths on the strength finder
43. The primary stone on my engagement ring is a Sapphire
44. I love Italian food
45. I have a freckle on my middle right toe.
46. I met my husband in college.
47. I have a degree in Special Education.
48. I taught at one point for about 6 months.
49. Growing up, I never thought I’d move out of Illinois.
50. I’ve lived in Florida, and Washington and have traveled at least 16,000 cross country miles in the last two years.
51. I’m glad I moved out of Illinois even if it’s not a permanent thing.
52. I have a cat named Chester.
53. Growing up I had a dog named Sadie and I still miss her.
54. When I was little I had an imaginary friend named ‘Conky.’
55. It’s really annoying to me that so many of the items on this list start with the word "I"
56. From now on I’m going to try not to start any more items with "I."
57. I failed.
58. Growing up, I had a playhouse.
59. One of the things I enjoyed most in High School was Scholastic Bowl.
60. Band was also enjoyable to me.
61. Mandy Patinkin is one of my favorite actors.
62. Chicago Hope is still one of my favorite shows.
63. West Wing Seasons 1, 2, and 3 are part of my DVD collection.
64. Moline airport is my favorite airport from which to leave.
65. Daisies were the primary flower in my wedding.
66. My favorite scent is lavender.
67. Irises are my favorite flower.
68. My eyes are green.
69. While I was teaching the Home Ec. Teacher taught me to knit.
70. Currently I’m working on knitting a red blanket.
71. My hair isn’t colored.
72. Grey hairs have already made an appearance in my hair.
73. My parents helped to make me who I am and I think I had two of the most wonderful parents in the entire universe.
74. Questions are superior to Answers in my opinion.
75. Zimbabwe is one of my favorite words.
76. Fingernail sensations intrigue me.
77. My daughter has been exclusively breast-fed up to this point.
78. The house I’m living in at present has a water view.
79. When in Washington, I attend a Methodist church.
80. Last week, I visited Mt. Rushmore.
81. In addition, I toured a really funky sculpture garden.
82. Today, I haven’t had a shower.
83. In fact, I’m still in my p.js at the time of my writing this.
84. One of the things I’m known for is being a picky eater.
85. In the last few years I’ve learned not to be such a picky eater.
86. Vegetable consumption has become a more regular mealtime occurrence for me.
87. Broccoli and Asparagus still smell bad to me.
88. It is a rare occurrence for me to paint my fingernails.
89. One of my favorite things in the world is going barefoot.
90. This reminds me of my happy list which I have been keeping since High School.
91. Surprisingly, I have only one credit card.
92. Green is my favorite color
93. There was a pond near my house when I was a little girl.
94. Currently, I’m reading the book Blue Like Jazz
95. When I was little I didn’t like Winnie the Pooh very much.
96. Now I do.
97. The motto of my husband’s and my life together is, "Life is an Expotition. You’ll need a hat."
98. Yes, I do know that ‘Expotition’ is spelled wrong.
99. Words are something that I love.
100. Now, I’m done.
1. My name is Val
2. I have one daughter.
3. I’m married (to a wonderful man whom I adore)
4. I’m a Navy wife.
5. I don’t have a permanent address at the moment.
6. I stubbed my toe a couple weeks ago and tore some skin off and it’s just now healing.
7. I have freckles.
8. I have brown hair.
9. I go to church.
10. I try to love people like Christ loved people, and probably fail far too often.
11. I’m named after My Mom’s friend and my Dad’s sister.
12. I named my daughter after my Mom and my husband’s grandmother.
13. I like the beach.
14. I enjoy watching the sun set.
15. I’m scared to swim in the ocean because I’m paranoid about stinging creatures and other sea life
16. I spend way too much time on the internet.
17. I’ve spent a lot of time writing lately.
18. I’m staying at a really cute furnished vacation rental right now.
19. When I was in 3rd Grade, I had braces.
20. I used to have a huge gap between my teeth.
21. I still have a tiny gap between my teeth.
22. I’m a romantic, but I try not to be cheesy.
23. I’m a regular poster at 3 message boards.
24. I’ve met ‘people I knew from the interenet’ several times (like Gina!)
25. I like trees.
26. My favorite verse from the Bible is Jeremiah 17:7-8 (about trees!)
27. I still like to color in coloring books.
28. I love porch swings.
29. I’m going to a picnic today, but I’m not sure that I want to.
30. I love ice cream.
31. I frequently self-medicate with chocolate.
32. I don’t think there’s anything more comforting that Peppermint Tea in a big black mug.
33. I love the T.V. show Judging Amy
34. I read 22 blogs somewhat regularly.
35. I have trouble numbering things like this.
36. I keep several journals.
37. I hope to have a book published some day.
38. I may or may not be working on said book right now.
39. When I was in 3rd Grade I had to sing, "My Country Tis of Thee" every day.
40. My anniversary is June 29th.
41. I’m an INFP accorting to the Kiersey Temperment Sorter
42. Input, Developer, Connectivity, Cognition, and something else that starts with a C are my strengths on the strength finder
43. The primary stone on my engagement ring is a Sapphire
44. I love Italian food
45. I have a freckle on my middle right toe.
46. I met my husband in college.
47. I have a degree in Special Education.
48. I taught at one point for about 6 months.
49. Growing up, I never thought I’d move out of Illinois.
50. I’ve lived in Florida, and Washington and have traveled at least 16,000 cross country miles in the last two years.
51. I’m glad I moved out of Illinois even if it’s not a permanent thing.
52. I have a cat named Chester.
53. Growing up I had a dog named Sadie and I still miss her.
54. When I was little I had an imaginary friend named ‘Conky.’
55. It’s really annoying to me that so many of the items on this list start with the word "I"
56. From now on I’m going to try not to start any more items with "I."
57. I failed.
58. Growing up, I had a playhouse.
59. One of the things I enjoyed most in High School was Scholastic Bowl.
60. Band was also enjoyable to me.
61. Mandy Patinkin is one of my favorite actors.
62. Chicago Hope is still one of my favorite shows.
63. West Wing Seasons 1, 2, and 3 are part of my DVD collection.
64. Moline airport is my favorite airport from which to leave.
65. Daisies were the primary flower in my wedding.
66. My favorite scent is lavender.
67. Irises are my favorite flower.
68. My eyes are green.
69. While I was teaching the Home Ec. Teacher taught me to knit.
70. Currently I’m working on knitting a red blanket.
71. My hair isn’t colored.
72. Grey hairs have already made an appearance in my hair.
73. My parents helped to make me who I am and I think I had two of the most wonderful parents in the entire universe.
74. Questions are superior to Answers in my opinion.
75. Zimbabwe is one of my favorite words.
76. Fingernail sensations intrigue me.
77. My daughter has been exclusively breast-fed up to this point.
78. The house I’m living in at present has a water view.
79. When in Washington, I attend a Methodist church.
80. Last week, I visited Mt. Rushmore.
81. In addition, I toured a really funky sculpture garden.
82. Today, I haven’t had a shower.
83. In fact, I’m still in my p.js at the time of my writing this.
84. One of the things I’m known for is being a picky eater.
85. In the last few years I’ve learned not to be such a picky eater.
86. Vegetable consumption has become a more regular mealtime occurrence for me.
87. Broccoli and Asparagus still smell bad to me.
88. It is a rare occurrence for me to paint my fingernails.
89. One of my favorite things in the world is going barefoot.
90. This reminds me of my happy list which I have been keeping since High School.
91. Surprisingly, I have only one credit card.
92. Green is my favorite color
93. There was a pond near my house when I was a little girl.
94. Currently, I’m reading the book Blue Like Jazz
95. When I was little I didn’t like Winnie the Pooh very much.
96. Now I do.
97. The motto of my husband’s and my life together is, "Life is an Expotition. You’ll need a hat."
98. Yes, I do know that ‘Expotition’ is spelled wrong.
99. Words are something that I love.
100. Now, I’m done.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Determination
Carolyn is TRYING SO HARD to crawl. She's not there yet, but she's darn close. She's getting up on hands and knees and rocking. Sometimes she pushes herself back. The faces she makes when she's trying are just priceless. She's SO determined.
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Sunday, August 07, 2005
Sand and Surf
Today was Andy's last day of leave, so we took some time and went to a State Park to explore. It was a very beachy state park (and it was another beach with waves!). We liked it a lot. Carolyn was more aware of the waves than the last time she was on the beach. She made all sorts of happy sounds. I put her little toes in the sand and let the water wash up over them. She was NOT so sure about that.
I still just love the waves. Something about them is just comforting. Things can feel just awful and listening to the waves will make me feel like life contains beauty even though it hurts sometimes.
Life is just funny. It's so big, and hard, and wonderful, and horrible. I'm limping through this grieving stuff. When I say that, you might think that means I'm sitting around crying all the time. In some ways, I wish that's what I was doing. I seem only able to cope. I know the feelings will come, and as my friend, Amber said, I may deal by doing my "Val type of quietly imploding" dealing.
I am thankful for this time. I am thankful for the beautiful house we're staying in. I'm thankful for Carolyn and Andy and this gift of extra time we have together. I would rather be with Mom still, but if we can't be, I'm glad we have this short time as the three of us. I am thankful for beaches, and holding hands, and ice cream.
I am sad, but I am thankful.
Does that all relate to the theme of 'Sand and Surf?' Oh well. If it all doesn't, at least the pictures do.
I still just love the waves. Something about them is just comforting. Things can feel just awful and listening to the waves will make me feel like life contains beauty even though it hurts sometimes.
Life is just funny. It's so big, and hard, and wonderful, and horrible. I'm limping through this grieving stuff. When I say that, you might think that means I'm sitting around crying all the time. In some ways, I wish that's what I was doing. I seem only able to cope. I know the feelings will come, and as my friend, Amber said, I may deal by doing my "Val type of quietly imploding" dealing.
I am thankful for this time. I am thankful for the beautiful house we're staying in. I'm thankful for Carolyn and Andy and this gift of extra time we have together. I would rather be with Mom still, but if we can't be, I'm glad we have this short time as the three of us. I am thankful for beaches, and holding hands, and ice cream.
I am sad, but I am thankful.
Does that all relate to the theme of 'Sand and Surf?' Oh well. If it all doesn't, at least the pictures do.
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Thursday, August 04, 2005
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Monday, August 01, 2005
Hodge Podge
It's been a while since I've added photos here. I thought I'd do so tonight. They're pretty random. The bottom two are from Grandpa R's 90th birthday party which Carolyn and I travelled to Kansas for at the beginning of July. Some of the others are shots taken while Andy has been home on Emergency leave. A couple are from time that C and I spent with my Mom.
I hope you enjoy them all.
We're in Souix City, Iowa tonight... C hates her car seat with a passion at this point and we have a long way to go. I hope she settles in.
I hope you enjoy them all.
We're in Souix City, Iowa tonight... C hates her car seat with a passion at this point and we have a long way to go. I hope she settles in.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
And Now...
Carolyn and I are headed to Washington for a month. We'll be there to recoup and regroup. To enjoy Andy. To take time to feel and to grieve. To write. To be the three of us. To eat at bad restaurants. To take walks, and hopefully naps.
I hope I'll be able to be a Mom to Carolyn without "Ands." (Yes, I mean AndS).
We're going because Dad says Mom would want us to. We're going because cancer teaches you to live your life while you can and to be with those you love as much as you're able.
At the end of the month, we'll say good-bye to Andy and he'll be gone *out there* until Carolyn is one or older.
We need this time to recouperate from what we've been through. Regroup. And to prepare for what's ahead.
I think Mom will approve.
I hope I'll be able to be a Mom to Carolyn without "Ands." (Yes, I mean AndS).
We're going because Dad says Mom would want us to. We're going because cancer teaches you to live your life while you can and to be with those you love as much as you're able.
At the end of the month, we'll say good-bye to Andy and he'll be gone *out there* until Carolyn is one or older.
We need this time to recouperate from what we've been through. Regroup. And to prepare for what's ahead.
I think Mom will approve.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Joy
It's a suprise to me, but the feeling I feel most strongly since Mom left us yesterday is joy.
My Mom is free now. She had her first good day in 9 months yesterday. She doesn't hurt any more. She isn't stuck in a body that can't keep up with her mind and spirit.
Being by her side as she went through her final days as such an amazing blessing, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The person who lay in the hopsital bed in her room those last few days seemed just a shell of the wonderful woman I knew as "Mom." And yet... MOM was in there. That was what was excruciating. She was in there... Locked in a body that was non-responsive and suffering.
The look on Mom's face when I saw her after she passed yesterday morning was one of complete peace. I can only imagine that those first moments of heaven were full of such amazing joy and peace and release and relief for her.
I can feel her smiling. I can feel her laughing. And it makes me want to laugh and smile too.
I grieve for what we will not have, and for the brilliant colors that left the world yesterday...
But I am so very happy for my Mommy.
My Mom is free now. She had her first good day in 9 months yesterday. She doesn't hurt any more. She isn't stuck in a body that can't keep up with her mind and spirit.
Being by her side as she went through her final days as such an amazing blessing, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The person who lay in the hopsital bed in her room those last few days seemed just a shell of the wonderful woman I knew as "Mom." And yet... MOM was in there. That was what was excruciating. She was in there... Locked in a body that was non-responsive and suffering.
The look on Mom's face when I saw her after she passed yesterday morning was one of complete peace. I can only imagine that those first moments of heaven were full of such amazing joy and peace and release and relief for her.
I can feel her smiling. I can feel her laughing. And it makes me want to laugh and smile too.
I grieve for what we will not have, and for the brilliant colors that left the world yesterday...
But I am so very happy for my Mommy.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Mom's Birthday
Today is Mom's new birthday.
She was born into eternity today...
I miss her so much already.
She was born into eternity today...
I miss her so much already.
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